Barefoot Running

Running has become a part of my life the past few years. I have run several long distance relay races, a couple half marathons, and even a full marathon. Doing these events has given me goals that push me past my previous conceptions of what I could do. They also help me get off the couch.

Like any other sport or physical event, injuries happen. Most runners go through several injuries in their life. Most of the time it's just aches and pains that plague them and make running less comfortable. Sometimes the injury will sideline the runner for months or even years at a time. I don't want to have injuries and aches and pains be a part of my running experience. Because of that I have taken up a somewhat radical approach to my training. I run barefoot. Not barefoot shoes. Literally just my bare skin.

But let's tell you the story of how I have got to this crazy habit.

In early spring of 2013 I was at a sporting goods store with some friends. We were preparing for a camping trip to Goblin Valley. One of my friends was looking for some durable hiking boots. While he was doing this I was browsing the clearance shoe isle. I ended up finding this super thin and light shoe. It had great grip on the bottom and I liked the design of it. It looked like it would give me great grip and control but yet be very light and be a minimal presence on my foot. For some reason this idea spoke to me. I then saw the boots my friend bought and they were just a massive brick. I couldn't understand how that would be more comfortable. I bought those clearance shoes. When I got home I looked up the shoes online to learn more about them. Since they were in the clearance section there wasn't much information about them at the store. I learned they were what is called a minimalist shoe. I started learning things about drop, heel strike, running forms, and even a crazy thing called barefoot running. It was all very fascinating to me. But I loved the shoes. They worked great on the hike we went on.

At this point I wasn't a runner. I would occasionally run a mile or two in old basketball shoes but that was it. It was also at this point in time that a co-worker of mine invited me to join a Ragnar team, a long distance relay race.

My co-worker and I started training during our lunch breaks. The first day we ran 4 miles. It seemed like an eternity. Over time I grew a bit more confident in my ability to run 4 or even 5 miles without completely hating every second of it. At Ragnar I had to run eight, seven, and five mile distances. While it was hard, I enjoyed the experience. In a matter of only a few months I ended up running distances I previously thought I would never do. This gave me confidence and sparked the question if I could do more. That race revealed the runner inside of me.

While racing and training for Ragnar I had two pairs of running shoes. The previously mentioned minimalist shoes and a pair of traditional Nike running shoes. All of my training was done in minimalist shoes but my 8 mile run would be all downhill. So I bought the traditional shoes to help absorb some of the punishment of the downhill. I have not run on those shoes since that run. It was painful.

The next year I worked up the courage to start training for a full marathon. During this time I grew more interested in conditioning and overall health as a runner. I started doing yoga, eating a little better, and reading more articles about runners experiences training for marathons. During this time I grew a little more fascinated with barefoot running. I became persuaded by the arguments that barefoot running reduced impact on the joints and was simply a more natural and healthy way to run. I was already emulating a toe strike running style, landing on the front of your foot instead the heel, in my minimalist shoes based on the articles I had been reading. But is barefoot running actually doable? Is barefoot running as easy as the advocates say it is or is it as painful and dangerous as the critics say it is?

So I went out a few times running in only my socks around the park. It was very doable and actually quite fun! I learned a few things first hand by doing it. I learned grass was very comfortable to run in except when an unexpected pine cone showed up. I learned that porous path around the park was a little rough on the feet, even in socks. But overall I enjoyed it and found it wasn't painful depending on the surface you ran on. What I liked the most is how it changed my running form. I was forced to run in a different way because barefoot forces you to run that way. You can't do a heel strike barefoot unless you want to have instant pain. Every step running barefoot required you to make adjustments as you literally felt everything you ran on.

But besides those couple of "sock" runs I never did it again. I still used the minimalist shoes for my marathon and still tried to emulate a barefoot running style but I never went barefoot again.

This year I started training again for a race and I was starting to do some higher miles (for me at least). I got up to 10 miles on a couple of occasions but my legs would be in so much pain by that point that I had to stop. Maybe I just moved up miles too quickly? But then my left outer knee and right hip would start giving me a lot of pain around mile 2 or 3. What the heck? I would have to stop and stretch and then start running again only to have to stop and stretch once the pain came back. It got to the point where I would have to stop and stretch every quarter mile. Something was wrong.

That's when barefoot running came back to mind. During the previous winter I read the book "Born to Run", the bible of barefoot running. I remembered in the book that humans could run insane distances and not have any injuries related to running. So why was I having after only a couple of miles? The author tells the personal story of being injured from running and thinking he would never run again. By the end of the book he is able to run ultra distances. Could I do the same?

The body was designed to run long distances. Why was my body resisting it so much? So I decided to go back to basics. In this case it meant taking off my shoes and running. I went out completely barefoot the next day and ran 4 miles. Not far. I didn't want to overdo it because I had heard transitioning to barefoot needs some breaking into. The great thing that happened was that those knee and hip pains I was feeling before were gone for those 4 miles. I never felt it! What the heck!?! This crazy idea of running barefoot actually worked! So I ran a few more times barefoot but then I stopped.

Why would I stop if it seemed to be working for me? Well for one simple reason. I didn't want to just run around the same park my whole life. I can't run barefoot on most streets. Where I live the streets are a porous asphalt with lots of loose rock and sometimes glass. I can't run on that. The sidewalk system often ends abruptly and there is simply no good path with smooth surfaces for me to run on for longer distances.

So in the end I still need shoes. I will still run barefoot but only in controlled settings. But when it comes to longer runs over multiple terrains I will need shoes. Now to find the shoes that give me the best barefoot feel but with the protection I need. I feel I might go through many different variations over the years.

My story is simply one data point out of many. I fully recognize that my one experience of having barefoot running work for me doesn't mean this is a proven science or technique. However, I think there is little to lose in trying it if you experience pain and injuries from running.

Good luck running!!

God's plan for me

I don't pretend to understand God
and His plan for me
I know He wants me to be happy
but sometimes I cannot see

I make my own plans
based off where I expect to go
but as I have leaned in time
I am taken down paths I do not know

When life appears to go one way
and I fully expect to see it through
I have an unexpected feeling
and I am not sure what to do

The feeling makes little sense
and I doubt it constantly
for it's easy to question
when I don't quite feel worthy

But I follow it anyways
giving up a fruitful way
hoping it will lead me
to a place I long to stay

For a while I venture
and still I struggle to see the destination
My heart shifts to and from
a feeling of confirmation

What does God have planned for me?
Did I read His signs correctly?
Would I have been better off
with my original itinerary?

For now the path is lonely
the future is uncertain
I could have been in a different place
with another person

But I have to trust in God
that He does have a plan for me
and if I just continue
I will one day truly see

I will see the end from the beginning
and all the ways I could have gone
and hopefully I will be grateful
that this decision wasn't wrong

For when life is dark and dreary
it's easy to look back and say
I would have been better off
If I went the other way

Disneyland! The happiest place on earth!

Disneyland! The happiest place on earth!!!!

Right...?

I recently visited Disneyland. I was able to enjoy the warm California weather, the beautiful scenery, the thrilling rides, the enchantment of the most famous theme park on earth, and the company of good friends. It was a great! Happiest place on earth, right? So why did I often not feel happy? Certainly I had a good time and was entertained but I wouldn't call that happiness. All external factors seemed to be pushing the dial to happy though. What was missing?

Was it the fact that Disneyland was hot, littered with people, charged extortionary food prices, and was encumbered with atrociously long lines for attractions? Yeah I guess that certainly didn't help. Standing in line for hours on end and paying a 500% markup on water certainly didn't add to my enjoyment. Would have I been happier in better weather, cheaper prices, shorter lines, and a hover-bed equipped with all you can eat food and a massouse? I don't know but I highly doubt it.

So is Disneyland really the happiest place on earth? The obvious answer is no. That would be preposterous. But is there a place that is happier? Could it be a sacred places of worship, or individual homes, places in nature, work? I guess it really depends on the individual. The happiest place on earth is...well unique to everyone.

For me that place is not Disneyland. For some it may be. The happiest place on earth for me is the place where I know I am actively progressing in life and serving those I love. These places have been at home, the temple, on my bicycle, on the top of a mountain, at the beach, and other places. But yet these places have also been where I have felt some of the deepest pain and sorrow. So it begs the question if a physical location can be the happiest place on earth for an individual. Again...I don't think so. I believe happiness comes from within, not from a coordinate.

But yet I saw so many happy people at Disneyland. Surely there is something to a place to affects happiness. Do external factors have some control on our happiness? I don't believe that happiness could be as simple as choosing to be happy. It can't be as easy as flipping on a light switch. If that was the case then my life lately looks like a light switch rave party. Why in the world would I be choosing that? And I am sure if you randomly put 100 people in Disneyland for a day and another 100 random people in the middle of a desert sand storm for a day and asked both groups how happy they were you would get different results. Since our external surroundings do affect our happiness, does that truly undermine the idea that happiness is a choice?

To a certain extent, our external surroundings (places we are, people we are with, and things we are doing) are determined by the choices we make in life. So if we are making choices that put us in "happier" places, then yes we are choosing to be happy. And our situations and the places where we are can make the choice to be happy an easier choice to make. It's easy to choose to be happy when you are at the beach with people you love but not so easy if you are stuck in a sewer tunnel with a guy a little too excited about eating you. Some situations make happiness almost a given. As if it is not even a choice. Happiness only seems to need to be a choice when you're not happy. No one ever tells you that happiness is a choice when you're already happy. That is what happy people tell to unhappy people.

I do think happiness is a choice. Happiness is the result of the choices we make in how we live our life and the simple choice to be happy. Those choices, for whatever reason, are easier for some to make than for others. I feel for those who struggle with depression because I know for them it definitely doesn't feel like a choice. It feels as if happiness will never come. I don't pretend to know what depression is truly like but I have definitely had my fair share of moments when it felt like the sun wouldn't shine again. When the simple phrase, "choose to be happy" just felt like a slap in the face.

It's obvious no physical location is the happiest place on earth. I guess I will just work on being in places where I can make that place be the happiest place on earth for me at that moment. Or something like that...

All will be well!

Dating is hard! That shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. But why is it so hard? It's hard because you have to totally give of yourself emotionally and always be at risk to have it not work out. You are at your most vulnerable point when you're dating. You risk everything. Or at least you should be willing to risk everything. You have in your grasp the opportunity to gain the world, a loving relationship. Yet you are always one conversation away from losing all of that. More often than not, you end up not gaining the world. You break up.

I have heard that breakups can be emotionally as difficult as a death in one's family. For when a family member, or even a spouse, dies you still have the promise that you will be with that person again. You can still have the same relationship with them in the next life. With a breakup you have NO promise of having the same relationship with that person ever again, assuming it's a permanent break up. That relationship is lost to you forever. All the goodness and love is...gone. What consolation do you have? That the experience served to make you a better person? That you can maybe find another relationship with someone else somewhere down the road? That isn't super comforting in the immediate wake of the loss. It's hard to accept that you will find someone else mainly because you don't want to find someone else. You still want the relationship you just had.

So you move on. Or at least you try. But you still don't know how to fill that void in your life. Where there was love, service, and purpose you now have emptiness. The pain of that seemingly bottomless void hurts so bad. What is worse yet is that you still don't want to fill it. Somehow you feel that by filling the void you have truly ended the relationship. Your life was about someone else and now it is about about you again, which is far less satisfying. Single life is inherently not as fulfilling as a life devoted to someone else's happiness. Sure being single can be fun and adventurous and one can find happiness there but...it just feels lacking.

How do you go back to your old single life? How do you go back to first dates and nights watching netflix alone? What do you do with your time that used be spent serving another? Where do you redirect your thoughts, your energy, and love? How do you go on? I don't know. I wish there was an easy answer. It's hard to go on when deep down you still don't want to accept that you must go on. You vainly hold on emotionally to that relationship. You simply don't know what else to hold on to.

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? -Frodo Baggins

Is Frodo right? Is there is no going back? No! You can't. You are forever changed by that relationship. You are never the same. For better or for worse you have been changed. You can't go back to who you were.

Hopefully you have been changed for good. Hopefully the relationship taught how to give of yourself and how to love another person. Hopefully you experienced joy, honesty, kindness, and mutual respect. Hopefully you learned how to practice patience and faith. Hopefully you were able to live beyond yourself.

Even if the relationship was good and the break up was right, the first few days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years are not easy. There is still pain. The pain of the loss is palpable. Sometimes it seems too much to carry at times. It sucks! Plain and simple.

"How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." - Joseph B Wirthlin

In the time of deepest pain, sorrow, and loneliness, you have the opportunity for the greatest growth. How you react is so important. Will you remember the phrase, "Come what may, and love it!"? Will you take comfort in the Lord's promise that all will be well. I promise you that all will be well!

Why will all be well? How could it ever all be well when all seems broken and lost? Because you will CHOOSE to make it well. You will choose to love yourself and sometimes even more importantly, you will continue to love the one who broke your heart. You will choose to be kind, positive, hopeful, and supportive. You will choose to go to the Lord and seek his guidance and you will recognize the hand of the Lord guiding, supporting, and comforting you. He will give you peace and comfort. You will choose to be grateful that you have experienced such a wonderful relationship. You will choose to proactively find new and uplifting ways to use your new found time and energy. You will choose to see the small glimmers of light protruding through the dark tearful clouds of your soul. You will choose to see that this experience will serve to make you better. You will choose to remember Christ's love for you and his immense capacity to comfort and forgive you. God will always love you. Even if someone else no longer does, God still loves you. It's your choice to recognize that love and accept it. It's your choice to make the best of so much pain. It's your choice to be well. That is why all will be well. Because you will choose to be well.

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come." - Joseph B. Wirthlin

Yes Sunday will come. Maybe not as soon as you would like but it will come. All will be well!

Lead thou me on!

My last published blog post was very hard to write for me. In it I delved into some of the questions I have feared asking. My friend pointed out that I made it seem like I was convinced I didn't need Christ or that I could simply do things by myself. He had a point. While I still believe that we are more capable than we often give ourselves credit for, I no longer believe nor would I want to overcome life's challenges by myself.

Christ, our ultimate example, when going through his darkest hours in the garden of Gethsamane and on the cross didn't go through those experiences alone. Even He, the son of God, requested and needed help. So why would I want to do it alone? Recently I have been reminded how hard and difficult life can be. There are many things in life that cut us deep. Experiences that go to our core. They leave us wondering how much pain can be suffered. As the Princess Bride wonderfully said, "Life is pain". I am so grateful that even though at times my pain seems too much to bear, I have people around me to be there with me through the pain. I would not want to go through the pains of life without them. It's reassuring to talk with someone who understands my pain. It doesn't take away the pain but it does make it more bearable. Having someone you can talk to, who will listen to you, and who can comfort you is a reassuring idea. I would never want to go through life with out that. As much as I want to be independent, I don't want to go through life's experiences alone. Which is why the doctrine of the atonement of Christ is so reassuring. Having someone who will always be there for you in your times of sorrow is a comforting doctrine. Man was not meant to pass through the sorrows of this world alone.

In my time of pain, I have found comfort in friends and family but I have also found comfort in God. It was He who I first went to for peace and solace. Peace and solace was given but it didn't last, nor do I think it was meant to. God gave me what I needed in the time I needed it. Certain thoughts, feelings, and words were needed in my life at certain times. Those were given to me recently. They gave me enough strength and courage to go past the crest of the next hill. Nevertheless, I still had to walk up that hill. This experience has humbled me to realize just how much I need God and others. While I am still sure I could have gone through this experience alone, I would never ever want to. I don't know if I would come out whole on the other side. With God and other support, we can cope and learn. We can be reassured and be given some brief solace. We can not only come out whole on the other side but can come out better for it.

So when it comes to the question of my last blog post: Lead thou me on? Please do! I don't want to wander through the desert of life anymore without you. Forgive me for the times when I was cocky and thought I no longer needed you. As I go through some of the agonies of life, it gives me more respect and awe for the sacrifice you willingly did for all of us. I may not understand it, I may not have the greatest testimony of it, but I do recognize now that is is foolish for me to not want thy support.

Lead thou me on?

This past Christmas season the LDS church had a big campaign about how Christ is the gift of Christmas. He is God's gift to mankind. But lately I have been questioning if I want that gift. What would I do with it? A strange question considering I taught about Christ for two years. I know who He is on a fundamental level. I could tell you all sorts of facts about Him, what He did, and "why" He is needed. But yet I still wonder why there is all this hubbub about him. I have always known Christ is important but I don't know if I have ever quite felt it.

The doctrine is that it is only through Christ that we can return to live with God. Well why? That kind of seems like a dumb plan if you ask me. Why do I have to go through some arbitrary process to live with God again? Why does He make me completely dependent upon His only begotten son? Why can't I be dependent upon His son Jacob Allred? I know I am not perfect but should that matter? Haven't I been taught that I am powerful beyond all measure? Doesn't the power to change ultimately reside in me? So why do I need a third party involved? It is said that no unclean thing can enter into heaven. Okay well let me go clean myself! I can change! I have soap and water. So why do I need a special brand of soap? Is my soap not good enough? Does it not work or something?

So maybe the question really is why do I need Christ? Or better yet, why does God require me to need Christ? Why can't I be powerful enough to change myself? I often hear people finding power in the atonement. This has always baffled me. Is the atonement giving them an extra boost of willpower to do their home-teaching or to refrain from getting into a fight? You know that you can become a better person without Christ. Many people quit smoking, support the homeless, and forgive their neighbors all without needing this extra support. They just do it on their own sheer willpower and desire. They do it without help. That sounds a little more impressive than those who call for help at the first sign of struggle.

The last few years I have become more and more independent. Not only have I become independent financially but in many ways spiritually. I have learned the resiliency of the human body and mind. I ran a marathon, an idea two years ago I would have thought impossible. I have proved to myself that I can do incredible things without asking for God's intervention. I'm amazed at what the body and mind can do. I want to keep challenging myself to see what I can do. I want to be the master of my ship. I want to control my destiny.

During a time in which my very belief in God has been in question and my own independence has increased, I guess it's no surprise that I ask these questions. I question how much I need or don't need God and His son Jesus Christ.

I don't know why God requires me to need Christ for my salvation. Maybe it's to teach me humility and not let pride rule my will. Maybe humbling myself to a subsidiary role is a requisite process to eventually becoming like God. As Christ says in Ether 12:27 "...my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me" Maybe it's all about humility. Maybe...

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path...

Will my life finish the verse?

...but now, Lead thou me on!

Passion

What are you passionate about? What do you most want to do for a living?

...

I don't know

...

That is the truth of it. I don't know. It feels so empty and hollow when I put it that way. Do you feel the same way too? I know there must be others out there. Especially recent graduates in their 20's like me.

"My entire life I have done what everyone has told me I should do. From kindergarten to my senior year of college I had a high GPA, I volunteered, I played sports, I was in groups, extracurricular activities, student council. I did all that stuff. I was checking off the boxes in order to become a successful American." - Charlie Hoehn on the NPR Ted Radio Hour

"Being in your 20's can kind of suck because up to that point your whole life has been mapped out. High school then maybe college and then you're 22 or 23 and you're out. The safety net is gone. And the world is like, 'Go figure it out'"- Guy Raz on the NPR TED Radio Hour
 
Do these quotes sound familiar to the situation that you're in? They do to me. I am a college graduate and I have my first full-time job. I am fortunate. I have now accomplished all that I was supposed to do. I checked those boxes. Now what?

My job is good but it's not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. But when I think about what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, at least in terms of a profession, I am at a loss. I have no idea what I want to do and that fact is really starting to bother me. I feel directionless. Well not completely directionless. There are many opportunities and different interests for me and I could have a good career in many fields. But am I not supposed to only pursue the one I am passionate about? At least that is what all the videos and articles tell me to do. Right?

Recently I was talking with a girl who had passion and direction. It radiated from her as she spoke of it. It was beautiful. I was captivated and jealous. Eventually she asked me what I was passionate about and I had no response. Instantly I felt inferior as if something was wrong with me. I wanted to be like her but deep down I knew I wasn't, which is why the following quote really resonates with me.

"We keep telling people to follow their passion and I feel like that can be an intimidating and almost cruel thing to say to people at times because first of all if somebody has one central powerful burning passion, they're probably already following it because that is sort of the definition of passion is that you don't have a choice. If you don't, which is a lot of people, have one central burning passion and somebody tells you to follow your passion, I think you have the right to give them the finger. Because it just makes you feel worse. And so I always say to people if you don't have an obvious passion to forget about it. Follow your curiosity because passion is sort of a tower flame that is not always accessible and curiosity is something that anybody can access any day. Your curiosity may lead  you to your passion or it may not. It may have been for 'nothing', in which case all you have done your entire life is spend your existence in pursuit of the things that made you feel curious and inspired and that should be good enough. If you get to do that, that is a wonderful way to have spent your time here." -Elizabeth Gilbert on the NPR TED Radio Hour

So why should I worry about what my passion is? Not knowing my passion shouldn't be a tragedy. Maybe some people are born with the gift of passion and others are born with the gift of...something else. I choose to be fine with that something else...whatever it is. I know I am not the only one with the same predicament. I know there are other dispassionate people out there. Maybe I could have stated that last sentence to sound more inspiring.

But like Elizabeth Gilbert said, "follow your curiosities." Don't be afraid to learn about new things or simply try out something new. Don't let your fear of the unknown or the fear of not having a passion make you be idle. Don't wait until your passion suddenly just slaps you across the face. It won't. It doesn't come to us like the ring came to Sméagol instantly consuming his life. "It came to me, my own, my love, my precious." The longer you sit there watching Netflix naively hoping passion will come, the more likely you will never find it. So at the very least go out there and do something, even if it's only pursuing a passing interest. Maybe in the pursuit of those mere curiosities you find something that truly inspires you and gives you passion.